Oh well. Hello everybody. I'm sitting at the office right now and trying to get my weary head together. Woke up this morning with fever and a sore throat, feeling as if someone thrashed me tonight. I didn't sleep well either the last week and lack some sleeping hours.
This is my summary of this week so far:
Monday was horrible. I got into a big, in the end even physical fight with my stepfather and ended up drunk again. That was the first time and I know, the last time things escalated like this. But it was relieving in a frightening way too, kinda giving him back a little bit of all the pain he caused me. But it has to remain a unique thing.
Tuesday and Wednesday were very good. No alcohol, happy feelings all over, much sports and strict diet. Thursday morning I even lost 800 gramm and 1% body fat according to the scale!!
Thursday itself (so yesterday) was a good day too emotionally, sadly not for my diet. I met up with some friends and there was lots of food, and I was so hungry and so weak...:-( So yesterday I didn't even dare to count my intake, neither did I dare to enter the scale today. Fuck :-(
Today is a critical day too I feel. The lack of sleep and the sickness get me physically weak. I fear I cannot stick to my office diet today but I really HOPE to keep things at an acceptable level. Thus means:
Breakfast was ok with 180 calories (including coffee with fat-free milk and no sugar)
Lunch: Huummmm......My PLAN was to stick with my lunchbox which is enough normally but today I feel dizzy and sick....I feel I will need to get a real lunch today, I thought of maybe the chinese restaurant over there, sticking to tofu and rice. That makes full, tastes great and doesnt have so many calories.
When I come to counting my calories for lunch, I am at: 360 for the lunch box which are already eaten :-P additionally one apricot which has 50 cals, so we have 410 + 170 = 580 so far. (Ok, the lunch box didn't include bad food, I always fill it up with paprika, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots and 1-2 thin slices of whole wheat bread - if I don't take caloric bombs with me to the office, I cannot eat it, right??)
Already 580 cals are not too good. Let's have a look how I can manage things. I just have to be careful to keep track of everything.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
10:30 am at work...
So, here I am right now. Tired hanging around at my office and trying to kill time. Not that I wouldnt have any work to do, but I 'm sooo tired LOL I guess the Prague-ish sleeping sins are catching me right now. Well, that doesnt matter as every single minute of joy was worth it!
Still 5 hours to go. GAAAAH! I felt hungry earlier today, mostly because of the boredom I think. So I got half on a carrot and an orange to kill the real hunger, but the "head hunger" remained a bit. Anyway, good to distinct those two. I really really really hope that I will be strong today, that it will be a good first day of starving for me. I want to stay under 1000 calories today, with a small tolerance up to 1100 the HIGHEST...but that shouldnt necessarily happen.
So, my eating plan for today is:
Breakfast was a bread roll with 1/2 tsp. orange jam and coffee with 1/2 portion of fat-free milk, without sugar. About 180 calories.
Now, I took all my allowed food into the office and I'M NOT allowing myself to get more than that until I go home...I HOPE I stay strong since the bakery is just a street away!! The lunch box includes a carrott, some cucumber, a tomato, a paprika, two and a half slices of whole-wheat-bread with some low-fat-potato stuff on it, one banana, and the orange I've just eaten. Alltogether I come to 420 calories for the whole package. That sounds good. With the breakfast together I come to 600 calories until I get home at 4:30 pm.
Then it gets a little difficult to stay away from the fridge my mom loves to fill with plenty of caloric food!! I want to grab:
Preferably nothing until dinner, but if hunger strikes me, I get one cup of that fasting soup which has no more than 20 (!) calories. So, the worst case is starting dinner with already consumed 620 cals. Sounds nice.
For dinner? Hmmmm. Don't know yet. Probably a vedgetable soup with 100 cals, some more vedgetables, a fat-free yoghurt, maybe 1/2 bread slice, but not necessarily. Let's have a look until then!
When it comes to sport, I'm already a little prou of myself today :) I really managed to do at least 5 minutes aerobic right after getting up at 6:00 am. 5 minutes sound like nothing, but I get dizzy very easily in the morning and that already means a lot. I want to come to 10 minutes morning aerobics every day before breakfast. Then, at the office, I managed to do some more aerobic in front of the computer for another 8 minutes. Now, at lunchtime, when everybody else will get into the cantine and eat fattish food, I will go outside for a walk, maybe even running a bit in between. I just hope it wont rain as it looks like right now :(
When I come home, I will get a great massage from the masseuse who comes every 14 days. Something I really give to myself with pleasure :) Maybe I can manage 14 minutes Tae Bo before she comes, after the massage my body cannot be active anymore. That would be great.
Please please please, I just want to stay strong and not let myself being seduced by my mother's invitations to eating eating eating!!!
Kiss for now :)
Still 5 hours to go. GAAAAH! I felt hungry earlier today, mostly because of the boredom I think. So I got half on a carrot and an orange to kill the real hunger, but the "head hunger" remained a bit. Anyway, good to distinct those two. I really really really hope that I will be strong today, that it will be a good first day of starving for me. I want to stay under 1000 calories today, with a small tolerance up to 1100 the HIGHEST...but that shouldnt necessarily happen.
So, my eating plan for today is:
Breakfast was a bread roll with 1/2 tsp. orange jam and coffee with 1/2 portion of fat-free milk, without sugar. About 180 calories.
Now, I took all my allowed food into the office and I'M NOT allowing myself to get more than that until I go home...I HOPE I stay strong since the bakery is just a street away!! The lunch box includes a carrott, some cucumber, a tomato, a paprika, two and a half slices of whole-wheat-bread with some low-fat-potato stuff on it, one banana, and the orange I've just eaten. Alltogether I come to 420 calories for the whole package. That sounds good. With the breakfast together I come to 600 calories until I get home at 4:30 pm.
Then it gets a little difficult to stay away from the fridge my mom loves to fill with plenty of caloric food!! I want to grab:
Preferably nothing until dinner, but if hunger strikes me, I get one cup of that fasting soup which has no more than 20 (!) calories. So, the worst case is starting dinner with already consumed 620 cals. Sounds nice.
For dinner? Hmmmm. Don't know yet. Probably a vedgetable soup with 100 cals, some more vedgetables, a fat-free yoghurt, maybe 1/2 bread slice, but not necessarily. Let's have a look until then!
When it comes to sport, I'm already a little prou of myself today :) I really managed to do at least 5 minutes aerobic right after getting up at 6:00 am. 5 minutes sound like nothing, but I get dizzy very easily in the morning and that already means a lot. I want to come to 10 minutes morning aerobics every day before breakfast. Then, at the office, I managed to do some more aerobic in front of the computer for another 8 minutes. Now, at lunchtime, when everybody else will get into the cantine and eat fattish food, I will go outside for a walk, maybe even running a bit in between. I just hope it wont rain as it looks like right now :(
When I come home, I will get a great massage from the masseuse who comes every 14 days. Something I really give to myself with pleasure :) Maybe I can manage 14 minutes Tae Bo before she comes, after the massage my body cannot be active anymore. That would be great.
Please please please, I just want to stay strong and not let myself being seduced by my mother's invitations to eating eating eating!!!
Kiss for now :)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
PRAGUE ROCK CITY!!!
Hello folks!
Well well. Havent been online the last week. The reason was a spontaneous holiday in PRAGUE!!! I absolutely LOVE this city. It has everything I need and desire. Now I'm back home, litterally f****d up physically, but HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! May be due to the wonderful amount of mysterious green absynth and becherovka, the two "national drinks" of the czech people. Mix that up with the dozens of comfortable and lovely ROCK CLUBS, the numerous pubs, the crazy nightlife, the cheap beer, the delicious and CALORIC czech CUISINE, and of course, the fabulous culture of the golden city (which I saw only roughly I must admit LOL). Now you can imagine how exhausting the last days were ;), how many hours I slept (can count them on one hand!) and how much weight I gained (OUCH!), but also how GREAT I feel inside now....the first time since....ah, I cant even remember.
So yeah, now I HAVE to start my diet really really bad. BUT: I feel good form the inside again, Found myself again. Rebirth of the soul. With that state of mind, I have the will and power to start starving from tomorrow on....I hope you will support me??! :)
Sow now, I get one last absynth from the bottle I brought home, get some incredible czech chocolate and give me the last holiday-ish caloriue overkill, before tomorrow I start my wanted and needed STARVING TIME! Ah, happiness, you feel so amazingly relieving in my veins!
Kiss kiss :)
EDIT 2 hours later: Now I stay at 1800 calories today - ARRRGGGGH. But it was the last time. Last holiday feeling. But the spirit of Prague may stay in my heart :)
Well well. Havent been online the last week. The reason was a spontaneous holiday in PRAGUE!!! I absolutely LOVE this city. It has everything I need and desire. Now I'm back home, litterally f****d up physically, but HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! May be due to the wonderful amount of mysterious green absynth and becherovka, the two "national drinks" of the czech people. Mix that up with the dozens of comfortable and lovely ROCK CLUBS, the numerous pubs, the crazy nightlife, the cheap beer, the delicious and CALORIC czech CUISINE, and of course, the fabulous culture of the golden city (which I saw only roughly I must admit LOL). Now you can imagine how exhausting the last days were ;), how many hours I slept (can count them on one hand!) and how much weight I gained (OUCH!), but also how GREAT I feel inside now....the first time since....ah, I cant even remember.
So yeah, now I HAVE to start my diet really really bad. BUT: I feel good form the inside again, Found myself again. Rebirth of the soul. With that state of mind, I have the will and power to start starving from tomorrow on....I hope you will support me??! :)
Sow now, I get one last absynth from the bottle I brought home, get some incredible czech chocolate and give me the last holiday-ish caloriue overkill, before tomorrow I start my wanted and needed STARVING TIME! Ah, happiness, you feel so amazingly relieving in my veins!
Kiss kiss :)
EDIT 2 hours later: Now I stay at 1800 calories today - ARRRGGGGH. But it was the last time. Last holiday feeling. But the spirit of Prague may stay in my heart :)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Breakdown....And a whole new beginning
Hello! :)
Well well, yesterday I was at the hospital because of my toe right before work and gladly it is bruised and hurt, but not broken. What a relief! I was sitting there, watching some other women and admired the beautiful, thin body of one of them. I thought "I wanna be like her!" Then I got back to work, and my boss sent me back home right away which was really sweet from him - unusual! :D
At home (I'm still living with my mom and stepdad) I was happy at first and had a nice hangout with my mom but then my stepdad joined and was in terribly bad mood again....We got into a big fight again which resulted into tons of alcohol, self injury and late night bingeing. I cannot even describe how much I hated myself after....
Today I decided to give myself a little break from work. When I woke up, I felt dizzy, weak and miserable because of what happened yesterday. I said to myself, DAMNIT, now I have a blog called Enough is enough and still do SHIT like that!! Maybe....maybe I needed this last big breakdown. Now I feel it right into every single bone....it IS enough. I won't let myself pushed down anymore by the craziness of my family, mainly my stepdad. When he gets nuts again, it'S only HIS problem, not mine. And I won't make it mine anymore. IT'S MY LIFE, EY!
Tried out some sports again today although the doctor said no and my toe did hurt. Well. At least 15 minutes of Middle Impact (somewhere between High and Low Impact) and some crunches. Better than nothing :) I did only eat
~1,050~ calories!!!WOW! Ha! I see! Get your emotional triggers under control and voilá, you get control over your bingeings and pass-outs! Yeah, I know, there will be steps back too, but for today I can say - Good job girl! You're on the right path! :)
Well well, yesterday I was at the hospital because of my toe right before work and gladly it is bruised and hurt, but not broken. What a relief! I was sitting there, watching some other women and admired the beautiful, thin body of one of them. I thought "I wanna be like her!" Then I got back to work, and my boss sent me back home right away which was really sweet from him - unusual! :D
At home (I'm still living with my mom and stepdad) I was happy at first and had a nice hangout with my mom but then my stepdad joined and was in terribly bad mood again....We got into a big fight again which resulted into tons of alcohol, self injury and late night bingeing. I cannot even describe how much I hated myself after....
Today I decided to give myself a little break from work. When I woke up, I felt dizzy, weak and miserable because of what happened yesterday. I said to myself, DAMNIT, now I have a blog called Enough is enough and still do SHIT like that!! Maybe....maybe I needed this last big breakdown. Now I feel it right into every single bone....it IS enough. I won't let myself pushed down anymore by the craziness of my family, mainly my stepdad. When he gets nuts again, it'S only HIS problem, not mine. And I won't make it mine anymore. IT'S MY LIFE, EY!
Tried out some sports again today although the doctor said no and my toe did hurt. Well. At least 15 minutes of Middle Impact (somewhere between High and Low Impact) and some crunches. Better than nothing :) I did only eat
~1,050~ calories!!!WOW! Ha! I see! Get your emotional triggers under control and voilá, you get control over your bingeings and pass-outs! Yeah, I know, there will be steps back too, but for today I can say - Good job girl! You're on the right path! :)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Calorie bilance for the last 2 days...and a probably broken toe :-/
Hey hey! :)
Well, yesterday was a good start into my new life - I only had ~ 1250 cal, sadly without any sports because my toe did hurt so much.
Today was much worse again. Sunday is the obligatory "Mommy cooks for everybody big time* day. And yet I'm not strong enough to refuse any of her delicate food....Definitely another goal: Although there would be a big portion reserved for me, asking for a smaller one (and stick to it!)
After that, I got a big craving for sweets now in the evening: Right now I am on ~1750 cal which is not good for losing weight, especially with no extra workouts :-( Right now it's 10 pm and I am about to get into bed within an hour - just have to keep my fingers on the keyboard and away from the chocolate! I tell myself:
"You're already full and not hungry anymore. The opposite, your stomach is standing out uncomfortably because it's so full!"
"Your body doesn't need any fuel right now. You will sleep soon. You don't only NEED any food right now, it will make you feel physically uncomfortable AND it will be bad for your body!"
Huh.....Glad that I joined this board here....
To the lack of sports and my toe: Well, I kept track of it this weekend but right now I fear that it COULD be broken. At least I can't move without pain, and I HATE not being able to work out. So I'll go to the hospital before work tomorrow morning and let the doctors take care of it. And I'll have to call my evil boss to tell him I will come later....hugh...I get sick even when I think of that :-( Hate situations like that.
Well, yesterday was a good start into my new life - I only had ~ 1250 cal, sadly without any sports because my toe did hurt so much.
Today was much worse again. Sunday is the obligatory "Mommy cooks for everybody big time* day. And yet I'm not strong enough to refuse any of her delicate food....Definitely another goal: Although there would be a big portion reserved for me, asking for a smaller one (and stick to it!)
After that, I got a big craving for sweets now in the evening: Right now I am on ~1750 cal which is not good for losing weight, especially with no extra workouts :-( Right now it's 10 pm and I am about to get into bed within an hour - just have to keep my fingers on the keyboard and away from the chocolate! I tell myself:
"You're already full and not hungry anymore. The opposite, your stomach is standing out uncomfortably because it's so full!"
"Your body doesn't need any fuel right now. You will sleep soon. You don't only NEED any food right now, it will make you feel physically uncomfortable AND it will be bad for your body!"
Huh.....Glad that I joined this board here....
To the lack of sports and my toe: Well, I kept track of it this weekend but right now I fear that it COULD be broken. At least I can't move without pain, and I HATE not being able to work out. So I'll go to the hospital before work tomorrow morning and let the doctors take care of it. And I'll have to call my evil boss to tell him I will come later....hugh...I get sick even when I think of that :-( Hate situations like that.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Name your triggers... Part 1
I decided to do something nice for me and my hangover today and got a body massage right now. Now my skin smells like the delicious coconut oil the masseuse used, and my body feels relaxed and soft, just like my mind.
During the massage, I considered that I most probably have several triggers for my emotional binge eating and drinking. Some of them already plopped up in my mind:
At the moment, I'm facing some serious issues with my mom, which is devastating for me because we are really really close. We never had any disputes like that, and I'm torturing my mind permanently for the reasons. So, I must admit, currently my mom is a big trigger for me. That sounds horrible, huh?! She can nothing for that! But when I am with her, talking to her, I feel a need for food. A BIG need. Just realized that. Good to know. Next time I may be more aware of that...
Boredom is also a big big trigger for me. I'm often bored at work, just want to get hooooome....So I start feeling a need for FOOOOOOOD! Next time I'm at the office feeling like that AND have access to a computer, I will log on here instead. Sounds like a good idea :)
My inner self always feels restless. I always feel that no matter where I am now and what I do now, I want to be somewhere else and do something else. The neeeed for foooood always plops up in these situations.
Well. That's it for now. But maybe even these few named triggers may help me next time.
During the massage, I considered that I most probably have several triggers for my emotional binge eating and drinking. Some of them already plopped up in my mind:
At the moment, I'm facing some serious issues with my mom, which is devastating for me because we are really really close. We never had any disputes like that, and I'm torturing my mind permanently for the reasons. So, I must admit, currently my mom is a big trigger for me. That sounds horrible, huh?! She can nothing for that! But when I am with her, talking to her, I feel a need for food. A BIG need. Just realized that. Good to know. Next time I may be more aware of that...
Boredom is also a big big trigger for me. I'm often bored at work, just want to get hooooome....So I start feeling a need for FOOOOOOOD! Next time I'm at the office feeling like that AND have access to a computer, I will log on here instead. Sounds like a good idea :)
My inner self always feels restless. I always feel that no matter where I am now and what I do now, I want to be somewhere else and do something else. The neeeed for foooood always plops up in these situations.
Well. That's it for now. But maybe even these few named triggers may help me next time.
A whole new beginning
Hello!
This is my first online blog and my very first entry...don't know how this stuff exactly works yet :D Well, how to start? Where to start?
I was never much of a diary writer, but now I feel I need this. Being anonymus, yet sharing my deepest despair with the world...
Basically, this blog will be dedicated to the transformation of my body - and therefore of my soul, my lifestyle and my passion too. I want to fulfill my dreams now. I want to be who I always aimed to be. I was already there last year and fucked up everything again. Hate myself for that. Hate life too because the last year shattered everything I believed in, shattered all my visions, dreams, my whole life....hum, well. I'll make a point here for now. Not a topic yet.
I am european, born and located in Austria. 27 years old, female, born to be wild and free, a free spirit, the heart and soul of an artist, used to have great passion and a free artistic life until one year ago when my whole life broke in a million pieces and I had to start form zero again. Now I'm in chains of someone I don't really wanted to be, but for now, have to be.
All these sh*t led to the fact that I lost my once very instinctive and natural eating habits completely. Ok, I never had a GREAT body, it was always a weak point of me. But it was OK most of the time (not that I was ever content with OK). The past years I got fattish but last year I got it all off and got onto a great weight, being happy with my look for the VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, swearing myself that I'd never lose it again. But it happened. And I hate myself to death for that.
That's why I'm now here I guess. Yesterday's night got into a mess once again, already the third time this week. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, it seems that my soul longs for it. So what happened yesterday AGAIN?
It was Friday. Start of the weekend, which means having free 2 days from the office. When I said I always was a free artist, that means that I NEVER worked in a "normal" job in my life before. NO, I'm not an unemployed unsocial messy person ;D I was student at law school and in my free time I was a free lance artist. Didn't earn THAT MUCH money with the music, but it was sufficient to make a basic living. Then I graduated from law school, being a finished lawyer, nd reality struck me right in the middle of my face. YEAH, my childish own fault that I was living on cloud number nine until then, but I cannot change that anymore! But it's not that easy, it had much to do with my parents involved, but more to that later. Anyway.
Yesterday, I was so released once again that the weekend was near, and I started to eat a lot and drink lots of alcohol again, feeling *I have deserved that!* And it got more and more and more again. I never was much of a drinker but since I feel so miserable inside, I am shocked to see myself being so fond of alcohol lately. Yes, I WANT to change that. That's why I started this blog.
Well, later the last night, I got into my blues again, drank even more, ate all chocolate I had home, got into a fight with my mom again, then cried again, drank more, somewhen fell into bed....
Woke up at 12:30 pm with a terrible hangover, realising that I obviously hurt my toe and saw that I did cut my legs with a knife once again last night. (Yes, I'm one of THOSE people :-P I struggling with self-hurting-manner since I was a child, due to reasons I won't tell right now).
My breakfast got rather big again, with one-and a half bread rolls together with some jam and a big chocolate cake and coffee. Well, I feel that my hung-over body needed the food. After a shower and after taking care of my toe, feeling more fattish than ever, I got this *STOP* in my head.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
I don't want to live on like that!
That's what this blog is and will be about.
Yes, I want to be thin again, having the body I ever dreamt of. And I want to take control of my life again, however it may look right now.
I want to have the dancer's body I always aimed for.
I start right now with unknown weight (was too scared for the scale lately) but I assume it's about 55 kilogram now (which are about....hum....121 pounds? Sounds pretty low, but I'm a very small person, so it IS too much. And YES, I love skinny girls. Always adored them. Always wanted to be like them. I want to be slightly underweight with visible muscles. I'll love my body then. Which means I'll love myself more then.
And which also means, I can only manage that if I work on my inner catastrophies. So, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
This is my first online blog and my very first entry...don't know how this stuff exactly works yet :D Well, how to start? Where to start?
I was never much of a diary writer, but now I feel I need this. Being anonymus, yet sharing my deepest despair with the world...
Basically, this blog will be dedicated to the transformation of my body - and therefore of my soul, my lifestyle and my passion too. I want to fulfill my dreams now. I want to be who I always aimed to be. I was already there last year and fucked up everything again. Hate myself for that. Hate life too because the last year shattered everything I believed in, shattered all my visions, dreams, my whole life....hum, well. I'll make a point here for now. Not a topic yet.
I am european, born and located in Austria. 27 years old, female, born to be wild and free, a free spirit, the heart and soul of an artist, used to have great passion and a free artistic life until one year ago when my whole life broke in a million pieces and I had to start form zero again. Now I'm in chains of someone I don't really wanted to be, but for now, have to be.
All these sh*t led to the fact that I lost my once very instinctive and natural eating habits completely. Ok, I never had a GREAT body, it was always a weak point of me. But it was OK most of the time (not that I was ever content with OK). The past years I got fattish but last year I got it all off and got onto a great weight, being happy with my look for the VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, swearing myself that I'd never lose it again. But it happened. And I hate myself to death for that.
That's why I'm now here I guess. Yesterday's night got into a mess once again, already the third time this week. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, it seems that my soul longs for it. So what happened yesterday AGAIN?
It was Friday. Start of the weekend, which means having free 2 days from the office. When I said I always was a free artist, that means that I NEVER worked in a "normal" job in my life before. NO, I'm not an unemployed unsocial messy person ;D I was student at law school and in my free time I was a free lance artist. Didn't earn THAT MUCH money with the music, but it was sufficient to make a basic living. Then I graduated from law school, being a finished lawyer, nd reality struck me right in the middle of my face. YEAH, my childish own fault that I was living on cloud number nine until then, but I cannot change that anymore! But it's not that easy, it had much to do with my parents involved, but more to that later. Anyway.
Yesterday, I was so released once again that the weekend was near, and I started to eat a lot and drink lots of alcohol again, feeling *I have deserved that!* And it got more and more and more again. I never was much of a drinker but since I feel so miserable inside, I am shocked to see myself being so fond of alcohol lately. Yes, I WANT to change that. That's why I started this blog.
Well, later the last night, I got into my blues again, drank even more, ate all chocolate I had home, got into a fight with my mom again, then cried again, drank more, somewhen fell into bed....
Woke up at 12:30 pm with a terrible hangover, realising that I obviously hurt my toe and saw that I did cut my legs with a knife once again last night. (Yes, I'm one of THOSE people :-P I struggling with self-hurting-manner since I was a child, due to reasons I won't tell right now).
My breakfast got rather big again, with one-and a half bread rolls together with some jam and a big chocolate cake and coffee. Well, I feel that my hung-over body needed the food. After a shower and after taking care of my toe, feeling more fattish than ever, I got this *STOP* in my head.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
I don't want to live on like that!
That's what this blog is and will be about.
Yes, I want to be thin again, having the body I ever dreamt of. And I want to take control of my life again, however it may look right now.
I want to have the dancer's body I always aimed for.
I start right now with unknown weight (was too scared for the scale lately) but I assume it's about 55 kilogram now (which are about....hum....121 pounds? Sounds pretty low, but I'm a very small person, so it IS too much. And YES, I love skinny girls. Always adored them. Always wanted to be like them. I want to be slightly underweight with visible muscles. I'll love my body then. Which means I'll love myself more then.
And which also means, I can only manage that if I work on my inner catastrophies. So, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
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