Power and weakness are so close...

Oh well. Hello everybody. I'm sitting at the office right now and trying to get my weary head together. Woke up this morning with fever and a sore throat, feeling as if someone thrashed me tonight. I didn't sleep well either the last week and lack some sleeping hours.

This is my summary of this week so far:

Monday was horrible. I got into a big, in the end even physical fight with my stepfather and ended up drunk again. That was the first time and I know, the last time things escalated like this. But it was relieving in a frightening way too, kinda giving him back a little bit of all the pain he caused me. But it has to remain a unique thing.

Tuesday and Wednesday were very good. No alcohol, happy feelings all over, much sports and strict diet. Thursday morning I even lost 800 gramm and 1% body fat according to the scale!!
Thursday itself (so yesterday) was a good day too emotionally, sadly not for my diet. I met up with some friends and there was lots of food, and I was so hungry and so weak...:-( So yesterday I didn't even dare to count my intake, neither did I dare to enter the scale today. Fuck :-(

Today is a critical day too I feel. The lack of sleep and the sickness get me physically weak. I fear I cannot stick to my office diet today but I really HOPE to keep things at an acceptable level. Thus means:

Breakfast was ok with 180 calories (including coffee with fat-free milk and no sugar)
Lunch: Huummmm......My PLAN was to stick with my lunchbox which is enough normally but today I feel dizzy and sick....I feel I will need to get a real lunch today, I thought of maybe the chinese restaurant over there, sticking to tofu and rice. That makes full, tastes great and doesnt have so many calories.
When I come to counting my calories for lunch, I am at: 360 for the lunch box which are already eaten :-P additionally one apricot which has 50 cals, so we have 410 + 170 = 580 so far. (Ok, the lunch box didn't include bad food, I always fill it up with paprika, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots and 1-2 thin slices of whole wheat bread - if I don't take caloric bombs with me to the office, I cannot eat it, right??)

Already 580 cals are not too good. Let's have a look how I can manage things. I just have to be careful to keep track of everything.